I’ve learned that, when you’re depressed, you become very spontaneous because your emotions trick you.
It makes you stupid. It makes you do crazy things. You don’t have a hold of yourself. You’re very angry, sad, hurt, and suicidal.
It makes you regret. You feel sorry, but not-quite. You know for yourself that you don’t want to act in a certain manner, but find yourself doing so.
Basically, I feel hopeless.
I asked myself on what I should do.
I can’t remain like this, for long. I don’t want to.
This rational part of me told me to:
“Admit your mistake, own up your stupidity, declare your fault, and acknowledge the weakness you’ve just revealed yourself to.”
You’re hurt. Show them that you are.
You think you’re sorry for what you’ve done. Tell that person how you feel, despite the hesitation.
You’re not okay. Don’t act or say otherwise.
It’s because by faking reality, by not admitting these things, you don’t show strength, rather you make yourself more inferior.”
Anyway, due to my current emotional state, I started a diary.
Typing away whatever I have in mind, my fears, worries, and whatever issues I have as of the moment, is a remedy. It does help, a bit. Although it’ll take more than that, and a little while, to fix me completely.
To myself:
You’ve gone a long way and things aren’t getting easier.
You need your self-esteem back.
You need your life back.
What will happen next, only Allah knows. Just hope you’ll be able to survive it.
